“Femininity”

When you look at it, it looks like just a word — and yet it’s so much more. It is, to me anyway, power in and of itself. I ran from it, repressed it, feared it and denied it pretty successfully for something over 40 years.

And yet, its power ultimately pulled me in.

I am a child of 1970, when being trans was deeply pathologized and often considered dangerous to your health.

I am a child of a conservative Christian upbringing where being trans was seen as some kind of abomination, even a personification of evil.

I’m also a child of humanity. And being that child of humanity, eventually the humanity of who I was caught up to me. The deep repression of my true self was peeled away, and the woman I am began to be exposed.

In some senses, it was like a peeling off the layers of an onion to find my womanhood and femininity at the center. It was something like dropping an egg on a hard floor, where suddenly I was exposed.

I think it is intensely important for each of us to find our own balance of femininity and masculinity. Because what is right for me may not be right for others. It might be in the ball park, and then it might be nothing like it.

Whether or not a woman displays more or less femininity is not the power of it at all, though. No, it’s far more primal than that. The power of femininity is in its wearer owning it.

When I came out as trans, the idea of my femininity was in so many ways a new and dangerous concept. I think at some level, I had it in my head that I was less feminine and perhaps closer to an agender or non-binary identity. But I was surprised.

Femininity snuck up on me. I put on makeup, ostensibly to hide my shadow. But it was more powerful than just hiding this part of myself: it was also joyous. Putting this product on myself and seeing femininity shine through…it was powerful.

It snuck up in clothes, in my choosing them and wearing them.

Dresses, skirts, stockings — they all powerfully impacted me and made me feel more feminine than I ever thought possible. Feminine clothing continues to make me feel free and powerful and more womanly than I ever thought possible.

I suppose in a sense, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Maybe the empowerment I find in femininity is in direct contrast to the powerlessness I felt in the repressions, the denial, and the shame of my identity, and the bullying and taunts of childhood.

Feeling, knowing, experiencing and making space for femininity is where I find my strength. In a way, it is my superpower.

It’s Astounding but true.

I’m an Aussie, born here, never left here. There are things about this place that I love. There are things about this place that are frustrating beyond all measure.

Some really great things got their start here in this country, like, awesome things, like Microsurgery, yeah, you know, like sewing fingers and toes back on.

There are other great things here too, like the fact we have a universal health care system. It’s not perfect, and some would like to see that change, and break it, but so far it stand as a functional if not perfect system.

We have a welfare state, in the view of some it would be considered socialism, but it isn’t that, nothing like it. It’s a social democracy I guess. The welfare state is far from adequate in actually providing a living income to those that need it.

And yes we have our issues too. Lots of them. Every country does there is no utopia, it just doesn’t exist.

But today I remain astounded at the stupidity of how our federal government seems to work. I am reminded of it after seeing that Taiwan has made marriage equality a reality as I scrolled my newsfeed last night.

Overnight I have been thinking on this, and, perhaps the best description I have for how I feel is, after you ignore or the expletives that is, utterly astounded.

It is astounding that this is the case. That we still don’t have marriage equality. We as a nation sit politically with a government of an economic rationalism bent, but the leader of that government, our Prime Minister, has previously and regularly pronounced his support for marriage equality. We have a leader of the opposition also with declared support for marriage equality. And yet, astoundingly we don’t have marriage equality.

It’s a pretty simple thing for it to happen. Actually, it’s so simple it could probably be done in a day.

What’s required is a change to The Marriage Act of Australia. – Nothing complex like a constitutional change, nothing ongoing and long fought out like legal proceedings in through our court systems. No, just a simple change in our Marriage Act.

Currently the act has the words – a man and a woman as a caveat of the two people marrying. Strangely enough this line itself was added only in the last 15 years when a conservative Prime Minister was intent on thwarting state legislation. That change was done, very quickly and very quietly. With minimal debate, no public vote or anything of that kind.

And yet, our Prime Minister says in order to remove this and ensure that marriage equality is enshrined in the Act we must have a public vote on it. Even though, it’s not a constitutional change, and therefore it could not be a referendum and would need to be a plebiscite.

A non-binding plebiscite!

The issue of the plebiscite is nothing more than a delaying tactic being pushed and prodded forwards by the hard right within our ruling government party. They won’t be bound by the results of it, and so, it’s an expensive, pointless waste of everyone’s effort.

It’s a simple thing. A vote on the floor of parliament to approve a change of the Marriage act. Well two votes in fact, a vote in the lower House of Representatives, and then a vote in the upper house The Senate. We have in fact had votes on this in the past, they have failed, and not because the majority of our politicians don’t support it. No, because the Conservative party rulers have refused to allow their members to vote according to their conscience.

Meanwhile, LGBTIQA+ people wait, hope and long for the same human right to marry the one they love that heterosexual people have. They long for the same protections under the law. People are dying whilst waiting in hope to marry the one they love.

To my Australian government I implore you to understand that this is not your political play thing. This is people’s lives, hopes, dreams, families, love, and of course, human rights. Please, I implore you, stop playing games, stand up and be counted on the right side of history, on the side of equality, justice and humanity.

The state of things at this time are in fact a blight on this country. Not the only blight, don’t get me started on the treatment of refugees by successive governments, but a significant blight.

Australian politicians, regardless of party affiliation, it’s time to stop the bullshit, the games, the delays and obfuscations. It’s time to get into that building we pay you to be in and do what we pay you to do and make marriage equality a reality.

It’s astounding that this is still needing to be said.

It’s hard to believe we are still marching for this.

I’m sitting here in the safety of a local cafe, a short walk from my home. A place I am safe to be me. Of course it’s not perfect, rarely, if ever, is anything ever perfect. But it’s my place, I can be as femme as I like, max it up or tone it right down and it doesn’t matter.

This time tomorrow I will be preparing to march with other, for the simple right to marry the one I love. It’s kind of academic, given I am not in a relationship at the moment. But if I was, it would be with another woman, and here, in this land, this so-called progressive social democracy, this is not legal.

It is not legal here for people of the same sex to marry. Still. In 2017. The hard right of our Conservative party have held sway for a long time in wielding their power within their party to avoid our parliament ever voting on it.

We’ve had advocacy organisations claiming to protect the natural order of things, lobbying with all their might to avoid our parliament actually voting on this issue.

This could have been solved years ago. Our parliament have voted on it before. But this has continually failed due to the parties not allowing their members to vote according to their conscience.

Let’s ignore the fact, just for the moment that they should always be voting according to their conscience and the wishes of their constituents, but no, they vote according to party lines, which generally means the leaders wishes, or the power block that has the power to oust said leader.

Our Prime Minister, who, incidentally claims to personally support marriage equality, has a policy of a plebiscite, an exorbitantly expensive solution that would involve all citizens voting on the issue.

Many seem to think this is a good idea, and it is easy to mistake it for one, what better way to ensure the will of the people than to allow them to vote on it. Democracy at work right.

Except, a campaign for both a no vote and a yes vote would be hard fought, bruising and horrible for LGBTIQA+ people. We would be subjected, with no recourse to bigoted campaign advertisements, speeches, debates and dialogue. It would provide an environment where the bigoted minority who were inclined to use violence against us would feel empowered to do so. And in this case it is a minority.

We all already know that the majority of our people support marriage equality, poll after poll has confirmed this. The will of the people is known, so any plebiscite vote is dangerous for Queer people and a complete and total waste of money and everyone’s time.

Even more ridiculous, if you can fathom it, is the fact that this expensive voting exercise our Prime Minister Mr Turnbull wants us to engage in is not binding. So no matter the outcome, no matter it would most likely end up with a yes vote, the politicians would still have to vote in parliament to change the marriage act and the result of the plebiscite is not to be a binding factor on that vote.

Pretty much all that needs to happen, for marriage equality to be law in this country is for our politicians to stand up and in parliament and vote yes to make a change, an amendment, an addition to the Marriage Act.

It’s not that hard. It’s more simple than can be imagined. We don’t need a lengthy Supreme Court ruling, we don’t need any plebiscite or referendum. We just need our politicians to do what we pay them for and vote for the right thing.

For all the bluster and rubbish we have seen about a plebiscite and it needing to be that way, ignored conveniently is the fact that a Prime Minister in the early 2000’s inserted the words to the effect of between a man and a woman. He did this as states and territories more progressive than the federal government were enacting their own legislation to enact marriage equality. And he did this with no plebiscite, he did this as an act of bigotry, an act designed to render void marriages made in the states and territories. He certainly didn’t feel any need to gauge the will of the people in that case.

Come on Mr Turnbull, it’s time to cut the rhetoric, the bullshit and the fuckerry and have a free vote in parliament. It’s time to end the cishetero privilege of our Marriage Act. It’s time to end the discrimination that says, because I am gay, lesbian, bi, trans, non-binary that I can’t marry the one I love.

Cut the bullshit Turnbull, stand up to the right wing bigots, stare them down, do what you believe is right, bring this to a vote, a free vote for all members.

It’s time to end the discrimination and bigotry. It’s time to stand up for the progressive beliefs you claim to have.

It’s time Mr Turnbull to stop bowing down and throwing your ideals out the window because you are scared of being rolled. Stand up Mr Turnbull and actually lead this country, because so far since you took over from Mr Abbott not much is that different. He may as well still be in power pushing his bigoted hard right agenda.

It’s time Mr Turnbull. Make marriage equality law. Do it now!